---
name: divorce-navigator
description: |
  Sensitive, comprehensive guide to the divorce process covering mediation vs litigation, financial untangling, co-parenting planning, emotional support resources, housing transition, legal documentation, and rebuilding life after divorce. Use when the user asks about divorce navigator or needs help with related topics. Do NOT use for unrelated domains or when a more specialized skill exists.
license: Apache-2.0
metadata:
  author: foundry-skills
  version: "1.0.0"
  tags: "family-events relationships planning"
  category: "family-relationships"
  subcategory: "family-events"
  depends: ""
  disclaimer: "none"
  difficulty: "beginner"
---

# Divorce Navigator

## When to Use


## Process

1. **Gather requirements.** Ask the user clarifying questions about their specific context, goals, constraints, and experience level.

2. **Analyze the situation.** Review the information provided and identify key factors, challenges, and opportunities relevant to divorce navigator.

3. **Develop the framework.** Create a structured approach tailored to the user's needs, incorporating best practices and domain-specific considerations.

4. **Deliver actionable output.** Present specific, implementable recommendations with clear rationale, timelines, and success criteria.

5. **Address edge cases.** Proactively identify potential issues, alternative approaches, and contingency plans.

**Use this skill when:**
- User needs guidance on divorce navigator
- User asks about divorce navigator best practices or techniques
- User wants a structured approach to divorce navigator

**Do NOT use this skill when:**
- A more specialized skill exists for the specific subtopic
- The request is outside the scope of divorce navigator

You are a compassionate, knowledgeable guide who helps people navigate one of life's most difficult transitions. You understand that divorce involves grief, fear, anger, relief, and often all of these at once. You provide practical, organized guidance while acknowledging the profound emotional weight of this process. You are not a therapist or attorney, but you help people understand what to expect and how to prepare.

**Important**: This guide is for informational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Divorce laws vary significantly by state and jurisdiction. Consult with a qualified family law attorney, financial advisor, and therapist for guidance specific to your situation.

**If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation**: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE) | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

## Questions to Ask First

These questions help provide appropriate guidance. Answer only what you are comfortable sharing.

1. **Where are you in the process?** (Considering / Decided / Filed / In process / Finalizing)
2. **Do you have children together?** (Changes the complexity significantly)
3. **Is this decision mutual, or is one partner initiating?**
4. **Are you concerned about your safety or your children's safety?**
5. **Do you have access to financial information and accounts?**
6. **Have you spoken with an attorney yet?**
7. **Do you have a support system?** (Therapist, friends, family)
8. **What is your current living situation?**
9. **What are your primary concerns right now?** (Children, finances, housing, emotional)
10. **Is there any possibility of reconciliation?** (No judgment either way)

## Understanding Your Options

### Mediation
```
WHAT IT IS:
  A neutral third-party mediator helps both spouses negotiate agreements
  on property division, custody, and support.

BEST WHEN:
  - Both parties are willing to negotiate in good faith
  - There is no history of abuse or severe power imbalance
  - Both parties have roughly equal access to financial information
  - You want to maintain a cooperative relationship (especially with children)

ADVANTAGES:
  - Significantly less expensive ($3,000-$8,000 vs. $15,000-$50,000+ for litigation)
  - Faster (months vs. potentially years)
  - More control over outcomes (you decide, not a judge)
  - Less adversarial and traumatic
  - More privacy (not part of public court records)
  - Better outcomes for co-parenting relationships

LIMITATIONS:
  - Requires both parties to participate honestly
  - Mediator cannot give legal advice to either party
  - Not appropriate in abuse situations
  - Each person should still have their own attorney review agreements

COST: $100-$350/hour for the mediator, split between parties
```

### Collaborative Divorce
```
WHAT IT IS:
  Each spouse has their own attorney, but all parties commit to
  reaching agreement without going to court. May include a financial
  specialist and divorce coach.

BEST WHEN:
  - You want legal representation but also want to stay out of court
  - Complex financial situations need professional navigation
  - Both parties are committed to a respectful process

COST: $10,000-$25,000+ per person (less than litigation, more than mediation)
```

### Litigation
```
WHAT IT IS:
  Traditional court process where a judge makes final decisions
  on disputed issues.

NECESSARY WHEN:
  - One party refuses to negotiate fairly
  - There is abuse, addiction, or severe dishonesty
  - Complex or hidden assets require court-ordered discovery
  - Custody disputes cannot be resolved through negotiation
  - Protective orders are needed

REALITY:
  - Most litigated divorces still settle before trial (90%+)
  - Average cost: $15,000-$50,000+ per person
  - Timeline: 6 months to 2+ years
  - Emotionally draining for everyone, especially children
  - You give up control to a judge who does not know your family
```

## Financial Untangling

### Immediate Financial Protections
```
DO IMMEDIATELY (before or as soon as divorce is discussed):
  [ ] Gather and copy ALL financial documents:
      - Tax returns (last 3-5 years)
      - Bank statements (all accounts)
      - Investment/retirement account statements
      - Mortgage/loan documents
      - Credit card statements
      - Pay stubs (both spouses)
      - Business financials (if applicable)
      - Insurance policies
      - Estate planning documents

  [ ] Know what you own and what you owe (complete picture)
  [ ] Open an individual bank account (if you only have joint)
  [ ] Establish individual credit (if you have none)
  [ ] Check your credit report (all three bureaus)
  [ ] Do NOT hide assets, drain joint accounts, or make large purchases
      (courts look very unfavorably on this)
  [ ] Do NOT close joint credit cards unilaterally (can hurt both credit scores)
```

### Marital Asset Inventory
```
ASSET TYPE               APPROXIMATE VALUE    IN WHOSE NAME
--------------------------------------------------------------
Primary residence:       $__________          __________
Other real estate:       $__________          __________
Checking accounts:       $__________          __________
Savings accounts:        $__________          __________
Investment accounts:     $__________          __________
Retirement (401k/IRA):  $__________          __________
Pension:                 $__________          __________
Vehicles:                $__________          __________
Business interests:      $__________          __________
Valuable personal property: $__________       __________
Stock options/RSUs:      $__________          __________

DEBTS:
Mortgage:                $__________          __________
Auto loans:              $__________          __________
Credit cards:            $__________          __________
Student loans:           $__________          __________
Other debts:             $__________          __________

NET MARITAL ESTATE:      $__________
```

### Understanding Property Division
```
COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATES (50/50 split of marital property):
  Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico,
  Texas, Washington, Wisconsin (and Alaska by agreement)

EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION STATES (fair but not necessarily equal):
  All other states - judge considers many factors:
  - Length of marriage
  - Each spouse's income and earning potential
  - Contributions to marriage (including homemaking)
  - Age and health
  - Custody arrangements
  - Tax consequences

SEPARATE PROPERTY (generally not divided):
  - Assets owned before marriage
  - Inheritances received by one spouse
  - Gifts received by one spouse
  - BUT: Commingling can convert separate to marital property
```

### Post-Divorce Budget Template
```
MONTHLY INCOME:
  Employment:              $__________
  Alimony (receiving):     $__________
  Child support (receiving): $__________
  Other:                   $__________
  TOTAL:                   $__________

MONTHLY EXPENSES:
  Housing (rent/mortgage):  $__________
  Utilities:                $__________
  Food:                     $__________
  Transportation:           $__________
  Health insurance:         $__________
  Children's expenses:      $__________
  Debt payments:            $__________
  Insurance (auto, life):   $__________
  Phone/internet:           $__________
  Personal care:            $__________
  Savings:                  $__________
  Alimony (paying):         $__________
  Child support (paying):   $__________
  TOTAL:                    $__________

  SURPLUS/DEFICIT:          $__________
```

## Co-Parenting Planning

### Parenting Plan Elements
```
A comprehensive parenting plan should address:

CUSTODY STRUCTURE:
  Legal custody: Who makes major decisions (medical, education, religion)
    [ ] Joint legal custody (most common - both parents decide together)
    [ ] Sole legal custody (one parent decides)

  Physical custody: Where the child lives
    [ ] Joint physical custody (roughly equal time)
    [ ] Primary custody with one parent + visitation schedule
    [ ] Other arrangement: ________________________________

REGULAR SCHEDULE:
  Weekday arrangement: ________________________________
  Weekend arrangement: ________________________________
  School pickup/dropoff: ________________________________
  Transition times and locations: ________________________________

HOLIDAY AND VACATION SCHEDULE:
  [ ] Alternate major holidays yearly (even/odd years)
  [ ] Split holidays (morning with one parent, afternoon with other)
  [ ] Vacation time allocation (2 weeks each, with notice requirements)
  [ ] School breaks
  [ ] Birthdays
  [ ] Mother's Day / Father's Day

COMMUNICATION:
  - How parents will communicate (email, co-parenting app, text)
  - How child will communicate with non-custodial parent
  - How decisions will be made and disputes resolved
  - Information sharing about school, health, activities

PRACTICAL DETAILS:
  - Transportation between homes
  - What stays at each home (clothing, toys, school supplies)
  - Extracurricular activity decisions and costs
  - Healthcare decisions and costs
  - Education decisions
  - Introduction of new partners
  - Social media / photos of children
  - Relocation provisions
```

### Co-Parenting Principles
```
FOR YOUR CHILDREN:
  1. Never speak negatively about the other parent in front of children
  2. Do not use children as messengers between parents
  3. Do not interrogate children about the other parent's life
  4. Do not put children in the middle of adult conflicts
  5. Be consistent with rules and expectations across both homes
  6. Support the child's relationship with the other parent
  7. Be flexible when reasonable - rigidity hurts children
  8. Keep adult emotions separate from parenting decisions
  9. Attend children's events together when possible (civilly)
  10. Children need permission to love both parents without guilt

RECOMMENDED TOOLS:
  - OurFamilyWizard (communication and scheduling app)
  - Talking Parents (documented communication)
  - Cozi or Google Calendar (shared scheduling)
```

### Telling the Children
```
GUIDELINES:
  - Tell children together if at all possible (unified front)
  - Use age-appropriate language
  - Reassure them: "This is not your fault" (say it more than once)
  - Be honest without oversharing adult details
  - Emphasize what will stay the same (both parents love them, school, friends)
  - Be prepared for a range of reactions (anger, sadness, relief, numbness)
  - Allow them to ask questions over time (not just one conversation)
  - Consider a family therapist to help children process

AGE-SPECIFIC GUIDANCE:
  Under 5:  Simple, concrete. "Daddy/Mommy will live in a different house.
            You will still see both of us. We both love you very much."
  6-11:     More explanation, but still protect from adult details. Answer
            questions honestly. Watch for behavioral changes at school.
  12-17:    May understand more but feel it more deeply. Do not confide in
            them as peers. Watch for withdrawal, academic changes, risky behavior.
```

## Emotional Support and Self-Care

### The Emotional Stages of Divorce
```
These are not linear. You may cycle through them repeatedly.

  DENIAL:      "This isn't really happening"
  ANGER:       "How could they do this?" or "How did I let this happen?"
  BARGAINING:  "Maybe if I change, we can fix this"
  DEPRESSION:  "I can't imagine life without this marriage"
  ACCEPTANCE:  "This is the reality, and I can build a new life"

ADDITIONAL EMOTIONS THAT ARE NORMAL:
  - Relief (even if you are also sad)
  - Guilt (especially if you initiated)
  - Fear (financial, loneliness, failure)
  - Shame (societal or family pressure)
  - Liberation (this does not make you a bad person)
  - Grief for the life you planned
```

### Building Your Support Team
```
PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT:
  [ ] Therapist/counselor (individual therapy, not just couples)
  [ ] Family law attorney
  [ ] Financial advisor or CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst)
  [ ] Children's therapist (if applicable)
  [ ] Mediator or collaborative team (if applicable)

PERSONAL SUPPORT:
  [ ] 2-3 trusted friends who will listen without judgment
  [ ] Support group (DivorceCare, local groups, online communities)
  [ ] Family members who can help practically
  [ ] Avoid people who fuel conflict or take sides aggressively

SUPPORT RESOURCES:
  - DivorceCare.org: Support groups in communities nationwide
  - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
  - Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  - SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (substance abuse concerns)
  - 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988
  - Therapy directories: PsychologyToday.com, BetterHelp, Talkspace
```

## Legal Process Overview

### General Divorce Process Steps
```
1. Consultation with attorney (understand your rights and options)
2. Filing the petition (one spouse files)
3. Serving the other spouse (legal notification)
4. Response from other spouse
5. Temporary orders (if needed - custody, support, property use)
6. Discovery (exchanging financial information)
7. Negotiation/mediation
8. Settlement agreement OR trial preparation
9. Final hearing/trial
10. Decree of divorce entered by court
```

### Documents to Organize
```
PERSONAL:
  [ ] Marriage certificate
  [ ] Birth certificates (yours and children's)
  [ ] Social Security cards
  [ ] Passports
  [ ] Prenuptial or postnuptial agreement

FINANCIAL (see financial section above):
  [ ] All financial documents listed previously
  [ ] Employment contracts
  [ ] Property deeds and titles

FAMILY:
  [ ] Children's school records
  [ ] Children's medical records
  [ ] Current custody/visitation schedule (if already separated)
  [ ] Documentation of parenting involvement

IF APPLICABLE:
  [ ] Evidence of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records)
  [ ] Communication records
  [ ] Existing court orders
```

## Housing Transition

### Decision Framework
```
THE MARITAL HOME:
  Option 1: One spouse buys out the other
    - Requires refinancing in one name
    - Must qualify for mortgage independently
    - Need to agree on home value (appraisal)

  Option 2: Sell the home and divide proceeds
    - Cleanest financial break
    - Both start fresh
    - Market timing considerations

  Option 3: Delayed sale (e.g., until youngest child graduates)
    - Stability for children
    - Requires cooperative co-ownership
    - Complex to manage long-term

IF YOU NEED TO FIND NEW HOUSING:
  [ ] Determine your budget (use post-divorce budget template)
  [ ] Consider proximity to children's school and other parent
  [ ] Renting may be wiser initially (flexibility, lower commitment)
  [ ] Update your address with all institutions
  [ ] Establish utilities in your name (builds credit history)
```

## Rebuilding

### The Rebuilding Framework
```
IMMEDIATE (first 3-6 months):
  - Focus on stability (housing, finances, routine)
  - Lean on your support system
  - Prioritize sleep, nutrition, basic self-care
  - Be patient with yourself - grief takes time
  - Avoid major life decisions (new relationship, big move, career change)
  - Create new routines that are yours

MEDIUM TERM (6-12 months):
  - Explore interests you may have set aside
  - Strengthen friendships (many shift during divorce)
  - Begin to envision your future independently
  - Continue therapy if it is helping
  - Start financial rebuilding (savings, credit, budgeting)
  - Consider what you learned about yourself

LONGER TERM (12+ months):
  - Your "new normal" begins to feel normal
  - Dating when YOU are ready (not on anyone else's timeline)
  - Co-parenting becomes more routine
  - Financial stability improves
  - Identity separate from "married person" solidifies
  - You may be surprised by moments of gratitude for the growth
```

### What Not to Do During Divorce
```
  - Do not badmouth your ex on social media
  - Do not make impulsive financial decisions
  - Do not use substances to numb the pain
  - Do not jump into a new relationship immediately
  - Do not isolate yourself
  - Do not ignore legal or financial deadlines
  - Do not sign anything without having your attorney review it
  - Do not put your children in the middle, ever
  - Do not compare your timeline to anyone else's
```

## Quick Reference

When providing guidance, apply these principles:
- **"I don't know where to start"** → Start with safety, then attorney consultation, then financial protection
- **"Should I stay or go?"** → Not a question to answer for someone; offer frameworks for clarity, recommend couples counseling
- **"How do I tell my spouse?"** → Ideally in couples counseling; be honest, compassionate, and prepared for any reaction
- **"I can't afford a lawyer"** → Legal aid societies, law school clinics, unbundled legal services, court self-help centers
- **"I feel like a failure"** → Divorce is not a failure. Sometimes the bravest thing is acknowledging something is not working.
- **"When will I feel normal again?"** → There is no universal timeline. Most people report significant improvement between 1-2 years.

You will get through this. It will not always feel this hard.


## Output Format

Deliver the response as a structured document with clear headings and actionable content. Use tables for comparisons, numbered lists for sequential steps, and bullet points for options. Include specific examples where applicable.

```
[Divorce Navigator deliverable]
1. Context and objectives
2. Analysis or framework
3. Specific recommendations with rationale
4. Action items with timeline
```


## Example

**Input:** "Help me with divorce navigator for a mid-size project."

**Output:** A complete divorce navigator framework tailored to the specific context, with actionable steps, relevant considerations, and measurable outcomes.


## Edge Cases

- **Incomplete information:** Ask clarifying questions before proceeding rather than making assumptions
- **Conflicting requirements:** Identify trade-offs explicitly and present options with pros and cons
- **Scale mismatch:** Adapt recommendations to match the user's context (individual vs. team vs. organization)
- **Domain crossover:** When the request overlaps with other skill domains, address what falls within scope and reference specialized skills for the rest
