---
name: personal-speech
description: |
  Writes personal speeches for occasions including weddings, eulogies, toasts, graduations, retirements, and celebrations with opening hooks, personal anecdotes, and emotional resonance.
  Use when the user asks to write a speech for a personal occasion, toast, eulogy, wedding speech, graduation address, or tribute.
  Do NOT use for professional presentations (use business skills), political speeches (different conventions), or persuasive arguments (use academic-argument).
license: Apache-2.0
metadata:
  author: foundry-skills
  version: "1.0.0"
  tags: "writing creative-writing personal-communication"
  category: "writing"
  subcategory: "personal-communication"
  depends: ""
  disclaimer: "none"
  difficulty: "intermediate"
---
# Personal Speech

## When to Use

**Use this skill when:**
- User needs a wedding speech -- best man, maid of honor, father or mother of the bride/groom, or the couple themselves (vows written as a speech rather than exchanged privately)
- User needs a eulogy, memorial tribute, or celebration-of-life address for someone who has died
- User wants a toast for a birthday milestone (30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 80th), anniversary, or retirement party
- User needs a graduation address -- commencement speaker, valedictorian, or a personal tribute to a graduate
- User wants a farewell speech for a colleague, a welcome speech for a new team member, or a reunion tribute that honors shared history
- User needs a tribute speech for an award presentation, a roast (affectionate, not cruel), or an introduction that sets up another speaker
- User is writing a personal statement read aloud at a significant ceremony (naturalization, award acceptance, dedication of a memorial)

**Do NOT use this skill when:**
- User wants a formal business presentation or investor pitch -- use a business presentation skill; the structural conventions are incompatible
- User wants an academic or debate-style persuasive argument with citations and logical proof -- use `academic-argument`; speeches and arguments serve different cognitive functions
- User wants a political stump speech or campaign address -- political speechwriting uses distinct rhetorical frameworks (anaphora-heavy, policy-forward, audience segmentation) that differ fundamentally from personal occasion speeches
- User wants to write a letter, card, or written tribute rather than something spoken aloud -- use `formal-thank-you` or `recommendation-letter`; the written and spoken registers are different crafts
- User wants professional workplace communication such as a performance review delivered orally or a company all-hands address -- those serve persuasion and information functions, not emotional witnessing
- User wants to write sermon or homily content -- religious oratory has its own conventions, scriptural grounding, and congregational relationship that fall outside personal occasion speechwriting

---

## Process

### Step 1: Gather the Essential Context Before Writing a Single Word

Do not begin drafting until you have the following information. If the user has not provided it, ask specifically -- vague answers produce generic speeches.

- **Occasion and role:** What is the event, and what is the speaker's exact role? (Best man, not just "wedding speech." Daughter giving the eulogy, not just "funeral.") The role shapes the permission structure -- what the speaker is allowed to say, what the audience expects from them specifically.
- **Relationship to the subject:** How does the speaker know this person, for how long, and in what context? The speaker's specific vantage point is the entire speech. A college roommate sees a different person than a mother does -- and that difference is the speech's unique value.
- **Audience composition:** Who will be in the room? Ages, backgrounds, how many people know the subject well versus barely at all, whether there are children present, whether the audience is emotionally raw (as at a funeral) or celebratory. The audience determines tone calibration and inside-reference density.
- **Target duration:** Get a specific number. Use these benchmarks: a champagne toast is 90 seconds to 2 minutes; a standard wedding party speech is 3 to 5 minutes; a full eulogy is 7 to 12 minutes; a retirement or farewell address is 5 to 8 minutes; a valedictorian address is 8 to 12 minutes. Never exceed the upper bound -- running over time is the single most common speech failure.
- **Tone target:** Ask for two descriptors, not one. "Funny and warm" is a different speech than "funny and irreverent." "Heartfelt and honest" is different from "heartfelt and uplifting." The combination reveals the tonal range the speaker is working within.
- **Three specific memories or moments:** Ask for at least two or three concrete anecdotes, stories, or images the speaker associates with the subject. If they say "I don't know, just things that make them them," ask probing questions: "What is the first story that comes to mind when you think of them?" "What is a moment you witnessed that no one else in that room saw?" "What would they be embarrassed for you to bring up?" (This last question often reveals the best material.)
- **The one thing:** Ask: "When people walk out of this room, what is the one thing you want them to feel or believe about this person that they might not have fully understood before?" This is the speech's thesis -- the invisible spine everything else hangs on.
- **Any hard limits:** Are there topics, people, or stories that are off-limits? Family estrangements, past relationships, health issues, professional failures, or anything the subject has asked not be mentioned? Establishing limits early prevents painful drafting revisions.

### Step 2: Identify the Speech Architecture for This Specific Occasion

Different occasions have structurally distinct templates. Apply the correct one -- these are not interchangeable.

**Wedding speech (party member):**
- Hook (specific image or line from the relationship, 30 seconds)
- Establish the speaker's credibility/relationship (30 seconds -- brief, not self-indulgent)
- Story 1: Who the subject is as an individual, revealed through behavior (90 seconds)
- Pivot: How the speaker knew when the partner was different, or what changed when the couple met
- Story 2 (optional): Something that captures the couple together (60 seconds)
- Direct address to the partner: What the speaker wants to say to the person joining the family
- Toast: Specific, visual, earned -- not generic

**Eulogy:**
- Opening that acknowledges the loss without drowning in it -- often a specific image of the person alive
- Who this person was to the speaker, told through one scene (not a timeline)
- What the person valued -- demonstrated through story, not stated as a list
- The person's complexity and full humanity -- one moment of honest imperfection, handled with love
- What the speaker will carry forward -- the specific thing they learned or inherited from this person
- A closing image: where the person lives now in memory, or the last thing the speaker wants the audience to picture

**Retirement or farewell speech:**
- A specific moment from early in the career that captures who this person was before experience refined them
- The evolution story -- what changed, what sharpened, what they contributed that remains
- One story that the assembled group remembers (a shared touchstone)
- The gap they're leaving -- what cannot be replaced, stated specifically
- The wish forward -- what the speaker hopes retirement holds for them

**Graduation or milestone tribute:**
- Where they started (a specific scene, not a biographical fact)
- The obstacle or the moment of doubt (every meaningful journey has one)
- The turning point -- what they did, chose, or endured
- What they've become -- shown through a recent moment, not stated
- The challenge or blessing for what comes next -- earned, specific, not generic inspiration-poster language

**Roast (affectionate):**
- Establish credibility to roast: "I've known him long enough to have real material"
- Rule of three jokes, escalating in specificity and bite
- The reversal: after the humor, a moment of genuine tribute that reframes everything preceding it
- Never end on the joke -- end on the truth the joke was circling

### Step 3: Draft the Opening Hook First and Separately

The opening hook is the most important sentence in the speech and the one most speakers get wrong. Write it first, independent of everything else, then build the speech toward and away from it.

There are five reliable opening hook patterns for personal speeches:

1. **The in-medias-res scene:** Drop the audience into a specific moment without setup. "It was 2 a.m. and Kevin was standing in a hospital parking lot, on the phone with me, explaining -- in complete seriousness -- that he had a plan." The audience is immediately in the story.

2. **The confession or declaration:** A direct statement that surprises and creates immediate forward tension. "I have spent six weeks trying to write this speech, and every draft I threw away because it wasn't honest enough." This creates intimacy and raises the stakes.

3. **The image that will recur:** Introduce a specific visual detail early that you will return to at the close, creating a structural callback. A red umbrella. A particular kitchen table. A song. When it returns at the end, the audience feels the architecture of the speech close around them.

4. **The character-defining moment:** Lead with the most revealing thing the subject ever did, without introducing it as such. Let the audience discover what it reveals. "When my father retired after thirty-two years, the first thing he did was drive back to the office the next morning to water his plants."

5. **The question that the speech will answer:** "I've been trying to figure out how to describe what it means to have Laura as a sister. And I think the only honest answer is: you can't. But let me try."

What you must never open with: "For those who don't know me, my name is..." (the audience can read the program), "Webster's dictionary defines love as..." (a cliché so overused it signals a weak speaker immediately), "I was told to keep this short, so..." (promises the speech will be an imposition), or "I'm not a great public speaker, but..." (self-deprecation that predisposes the audience to lower standards before the speech begins).

### Step 4: Build the Anecdote Architecture

A personal speech lives or dies on the quality of its specific anecdotes. Generic speeches fail not because they lack emotion but because they lack specificity. The following principles govern anecdote selection and construction:

**The specificity rule:** Every anecdote must contain at least three concrete, sensory details that could only be true of this person, in this moment, in this relationship. Not "he was always there for me" -- that could be said about anyone. "He drove four hours in a January ice storm to help me move a couch that we ultimately couldn't fit through the door, and then we sat on that couch on the sidewalk in the sleet eating gas station sandwiches and he never once complained" -- that is specific, visual, and characterizes both the person and the relationship.

**The economy rule:** One fully built anecdote with detail, dialogue, and sensory grounding does more work than three summary-level anecdotes. For a 4-minute speech, one strong story with a brief reference to others ("there are fifty stories I could tell, but this one is the one") outperforms three thin stories competing for space.

**The dialogue rule:** If the story has a line the person actually said -- a phrase, a word choice, a response -- include the exact words in quotation marks. Real dialogue is the single most powerful tool in personal speechwriting because it lets the subject speak from the stage even if they're not holding the microphone.

**The universality test:** After writing the anecdote, ask: can people in the room who don't know this story still feel it? A specific anecdote is paradoxically more universal than a vague one because specificity triggers the audience's own memories. Hearing about the gas station sandwiches in the sleet, people remember their own cold sandwiches with their own people. The particular unlocks the universal.

**Two-anecdote structure (for full speeches):** Anecdote 1 establishes who the person is in their private or ordinary life. Anecdote 2 reveals who they are under pressure, in transformation, or in relationship to the speaker's specific experience. Together they create dimensionality.

### Step 5: Engineer the Emotional Pivot

Every personal speech has a structural pivot -- the moment where the speech shifts from storytelling to meaning, from the particular to the felt truth. This is not a transition sentence ("And that's why I love her"). It is a moment of honest revelation that the anecdote has earned.

Pivot patterns:

- **The reframe:** "I used to think that what made Mark a great teacher was his knowledge. It took me twenty years to realize it was his patience."
- **The admission:** "I didn't always understand my grandfather. I'm not sure I do now. But I understand what he built, and I understand that I am standing in it."
- **The direct address:** The speaker turns to the subject and speaks directly to them. This is the most vulnerable move in a personal speech and, when earned, the most powerful. It requires that what follows be honest, specific, and not self-serving.
- **The observation about the audience:** "Look around this room. Every person here has a story about Elena that the others have never heard. That's the kind of person she is -- she meets you exactly where you are."

The pivot should be the shortest structural section of the speech in terms of word count and the longest in terms of silence. Mark it with a [PAUSE] before and after.

### Step 6: Write the Close and the Toast

The close is the second most important section, after the opening. It must do four things simultaneously: bring the speech's emotional arc to its highest point, resolve any structural callbacks (return to the opening image), create a clean landing for the audience's feelings, and -- for toasts -- give the room a clear, shared action that releases the emotion.

**What closing language must never do:** Summarize. Summarize means the speech has failed to communicate emotionally and is now making a cognitive argument for what you meant. If the speech worked, no summary is needed. If it didn't work, a summary won't save it.

**Toast construction:** A toast should have three elements -- an address (who are we toasting), a specific truth (one honest, earned thing about the subject), and an invitation (a shared action or sentiment the room can join). "To my sister -- who has always known exactly who she is, even in the years when I was still figuring it out. To Margaret." That is complete. Thirty-seven words. Nothing superfluous.

**The callback close:** If the speech opened with a specific image or phrase, the strongest close returns to it and reveals what it means now that the audience has heard the speech. The gas station sandwiches become "Every time I eat a bad sandwich now, I think about what it means to have someone who shows up anyway." The image has been deepened by the journey of the speech.

**Time the close:** The final twenty seconds of a speech should be spoken more slowly than anything preceding them. Write the words that deserve time. Mark every phrase with a deliberate pause. The closing line should take twice as long to deliver as it would take to read silently.

### Step 7: Revise for the Spoken Register

After drafting, read the speech aloud completely. Not in your head -- aloud. This reveals problems invisible on the page:

- **Sentence length imbalance:** For high-emotion moments, use sentences of seven words or fewer. Short sentences create weight. They force pause. They give the audience time to feel. For storytelling passages, longer sentences can carry momentum and carry the audience through narrative. The rhythm of alternating length creates the feeling of a voice that is alive and thinking, not reading.
- **Unnatural syntax:** Written English and spoken English are different languages. "It is with great joy that I welcome you" is written language. "I am so glad you're all here" is spoken language. Rewrite any sentence that sounds formal or constructed -- if the speaker would not say it in conversation, they should not say it in the speech.
- **Word repetition:** In written prose, word repetition is a flaw. In speeches, deliberate repetition is a technique (anaphora: "She was there when I graduated. She was there when I got married. She was there last Thursday when I called her crying in a parking lot"). Accidental repetition -- the same word appearing twice in adjacent sentences without intent -- is a flaw in both registers.
- **Contraction test:** Count the contractions. Speeches with no contractions sound formal and distant. Speeches with natural contraction density ("I've," "she's," "we're," "couldn't," "didn't") sound human. If a sentence has no contractions and sounds stiff, contract it.
- **Timing audit:** A natural speaking pace is 120 to 150 words per minute. An emotional speech with pauses averages closer to 100 words per minute. Time your draft aloud and calculate: word count ÷ 120 = minimum time, word count ÷ 100 = expected time with pauses. Target 10 to 15 percent under the stated time limit. Speakers always run long -- never short.

### Step 8: Prepare the Delivery Architecture

The final step is not writing -- it is preparing the text for the speaker to use.

- **Mark emphasis words:** Underline or bold the one or two words in each key sentence that carry the meaning. The speaker's voice should land on these words. "She was the **first** person to believe I could do it" -- "first" carries the sentence; the rest is setup.
- **Insert [PAUSE] markers:** At the end of the opening hook (let the audience settle in). After each laugh line (let the laughter breathe -- never talk over laughter). At the emotional pivot (let the shift land). Before the toast (create silence before the shared moment). After the closing line (never rush off).
- **Mark the "look up" moments:** Indicate where the speaker should look up from the page and make direct eye contact with the subject, with the audience, or with a specific person in the room. These are typically: the opening line, the direct address section, and the closing toast.
- **Note the recovery line:** For emotionally vulnerable moments, write in a planned recovery line if the speaker gets choked up. Classic options: "I told myself I wouldn't do this" (earns laughter and time), "Give me a second" (honest and human), or simply noting [take a breath -- the audience is with you]. The speaker who plans for emotion is far more in control than the one who is surprised by it.
- **First and last lines only:** Recommend the speaker memorize only the opening line and the closing toast line -- these are the moments where looking down at paper breaks the connection most critically. Everything in between can be read.

---

## Output Format

```
## [Speech Title]

*Occasion: [Specific event] | Role: [Speaker's role] | Duration: ~[X] minutes [~X words]*
*Tone: [Descriptor 1] and [Descriptor 2] | Audience: [Size and composition]*
*Speaker: [Relationship to subject]*

---

[OPENING HOOK]

[Speech body with paragraph breaks for each structural beat]

[PAUSE markers in brackets throughout]

[TOAST or CLOSING LINE]

---

### Structural Map
| Section | Lines | Purpose |
|---------|-------|---------|
| Opening hook | 1–[X] | [What it establishes] |
| Relationship/credibility | [X]–[X] | [What the speaker's vantage point adds] |
| Anecdote 1 | [X]–[X] | [What character truth it reveals] |
| Pivot | [X]–[X] | [The shift from story to meaning] |
| Anecdote 2 (if used) | [X]–[X] | [What additional dimension it adds] |
| Direct address | [X]–[X] | [Who is being addressed and what is being said] |
| Close/toast | [X]–[X] | [The final image or shared action] |

### Delivery Notes
- **Opening:** [Memorize vs. read; where to look; specific delivery instruction]
- **Laugh line timing:** [Which lines, how long to pause after, how to hold space for laughter]
- **Emotional peak:** [Where it is; what to do if the speaker gets choked up; recovery line]
- **Pace shift:** [Where to slow down; where urgency serves the speech]
- **Toast delivery:** [Where to look; when to raise the glass; how long to hold the final beat]

### Word Count and Timing
- Total words: ~[X]
- Estimated delivery time (with pauses): ~[X] minutes
- Target limit: [X] minutes
- Buffer: [X] seconds under limit
```

---

## Rules

1. **Never open with self-deprecation, introductions, or dictionary definitions.** "For those who don't know me," "Webster's dictionary defines," and "I was asked to keep this brief" are the three most reliably speech-killing opening moves in the English language. All three signal insecurity and predispose the audience to lower expectations before the speech has begun. Open with a scene, a declaration, an image, or a confession -- never with meta-commentary about the speech itself.

2. **Never include more than one inside reference that requires prior knowledge to appreciate.** A speech where 20 percent of the audience laughs and 80 percent smiles politely is a speech that has excluded 80 percent of the room. References to people, places, or events that most of the audience doesn't share must either be briefly explained (ten words maximum) or replaced with a story that makes the reference's meaning clear through narrative.

3. **Never make the speaker the subject of the speech.** The speaker is the lens through which the audience sees the subject. Every moment the speech spends on the speaker's feelings, history, or experience is a moment stolen from the subject. The test: in a 5-minute speech, the speaker's own feelings and opinions should occupy no more than 60 seconds total. Everything else should illuminate the subject.

4. **Never end on a joke.** Humor in the first half of a speech lowers defenses and opens hearts. Humor in the final sixty seconds deflates the emotional arc that the whole speech has been building. A speech that ends on a laugh line tells the audience that the speaker wasn't willing to be fully vulnerable. End on truth, on a specific image, on a direct declaration -- and let the laughter that preceded it make the truth land harder.

5. **Never tell a story the subject would not sanction.** Before including any anecdote that involves failure, embarrassment, conflict, addiction, infidelity, professional struggle, family estrangement, or any difficult period -- ask: would the subject tell this story about themselves at this occasion? If the answer is no, do not include it regardless of how illustrative or well-told it is. The speech serves the subject, not the drama.

6. **Always include at least two concrete, sensory details in every anecdote.** Abstractions kill speeches. "She was always kind" is unmemorable. "She sent a card every year to my mother -- not email, a card with a stamp -- because she knew my mother kept every card she ever received in a shoebox under her bed" is a story about kindness that the audience can see, feel, and remember. Real details (objects, weather, specific words spoken, physical locations) are what make a speech survive in memory after the event.

7. **Always write at least 10 percent under the stated time limit.** Speakers run long due to pauses, laughter, emotional moments, and nerves. A speech drafted to exactly five minutes will clock in at five minutes and forty-five seconds in delivery. Draft to four minutes and thirty seconds. This rule is inviolable.

8. **Calibrate humor to the emotional gravity of the occasion.** A best man speech can be 40 percent humor. A retirement speech can be 25 percent. A eulogy should be 10 to 15 percent at most, placed early, and only if the humor is of the kind the deceased would have recognized as characteristic of how they were loved. A birthday toast for a living person can handle more; a memorial cannot.

9. **Use the direct address sparingly and never cheaply.** Turning from speaking about the subject to speaking directly to them ("Sarah, I want to say something to you directly") is the most powerful rhetorical move available in personal speechwriting. It is also the easiest to abuse. Use it once, for one sustained moment, when the speech has earned it through specific story and honest reflection. A direct address that follows no earned context is sentimentality -- emotion performed without the work that makes it true.

10. **If you don't have enough information, ask -- never invent.** A speech built on specific personal detail cannot be written from generic knowledge. If the user provides only the occasion and the subject's name, the resulting speech will be generic and hollow regardless of how well-crafted the language is. Ask for two or three real memories before drafting. If the user says "I can't think of any stories," offer prompts: "What would happen if this person walked in right now?" "What's the story you've already told twice this week because you knew you'd need it tonight?" Real material always exists -- the skill is in excavating it.

---

## Edge Cases

**The eulogy for someone who died unexpectedly or young.**
Grief that has had no time to process produces speechwriting that either sanitizes the person into a saint or collapses into raw emotion with no structure. Neither serves the mourners. In this case: focus the speech almost entirely on specificity -- the particular person, their particular way of being in the world, their actual voice and habits and preferences. Specific detail is both an antidote to abstraction and a form of grief -- it keeps the person present and particular rather than letting them become a generalized idea of a lost person. Acknowledge the shock briefly and directly ("None of us expected to be standing here") and then move immediately into who they were alive, in detail. The mourners need to hear the person, not the loss.

**The speaker who is estranged from, angry at, or has complicated feelings about the subject.**
A daughter asked to speak at the funeral of a difficult father. A best man who privately disagrees with the marriage. A colleague giving a retirement speech for someone who was often unkind. Do not write a dishonest speech -- an audience can sense inauthenticity from twenty rows away, and the speaker will feel the dishonesty with every sentence. Instead: find the true and generous thing. There is always a true and generous thing. It may be small -- a specific moment of grace, a single quality that was real, the love that existed alongside the difficulty. Build the speech on that truth and let it stand without requiring the speaker to claim more than they can honestly claim. A speech does not require pretending everything was perfect. It requires witnessing what was real.

**The speaker who is terrified of public speaking.**
This is extremely common and the fear is legitimate. For these speakers: write significantly shorter, with fewer sentences per paragraph and more [PAUSE] markers (which give the speaker permission to breathe). Recommend memorizing only the first two sentences and the closing line -- reading the middle is acceptable and the speaker's comfort serves the speech better than their performance. Write into the speech one moment of acknowledged vulnerability ("I've been dreading this all week, which tells you something about how much this moment matters") -- it releases the tension, earns the audience's sympathy, and allows the speaker to exhale. The audience at a personal occasion speech is always, without exception, rooting for the speaker. They want the speech to succeed. Remind the speaker of this.

**The speaker has too much material -- twenty stories, all of them good.**
The instinct is to include everything. The result is a speech that exhausts the audience's attention and dilutes every anecdote's impact by crowding it. Guide the speaker to identify the single story that best captures the subject as the person the speaker knows them to be -- not the most dramatic story, not the funniest, but the most true. Build the speech around that central story and briefly acknowledge the others: "There are a hundred stories I could tell, and I've been trying to pick just one for six weeks" creates warmth, signals abundance of feeling, and frees the speaker to go deep on one story rather than shallow on all of them.

**The speech involves a reference to a difficult period the subject has moved through** (addiction, divorce, health crisis, career failure, grief).
The hard period may be the most important context for understanding who the person is now -- the struggle shapes the strength. But mention it only if (a) the subject has spoken about it publicly themselves, (b) the speaker has explicit permission, and (c) the mention is framed entirely as part of the story of becoming, not as an exposure or an explanation. The language should describe what the speaker witnessed, not diagnose what the subject experienced. "There were a few years when I watched my friend carry something heavy" is very different from "After her divorce and the drinking." The former honors; the latter exposes.

**The speech needs to include a poem or quotation the user insists on using.**
Quotations in personal speeches are frequently used as a substitute for the speaker's own authentic voice -- a way of borrowing emotional currency they don't trust themselves to generate. The test is simple: does the speech work without the quotation? If yes, the quotation is decoration and may be included near the close as resonance. If no, the quotation is a crutch and the speech needs more original material. When a quotation is included, it must be introduced in the speaker's own words ("There's a line I keep returning to..."), placed where it amplifies rather than initiates a thought, and followed by the speaker's own response to it -- what it means to them, in this specific context, about this specific person. Never end the speech on someone else's words.

**The toast is for a group, not a single person** (a team, a decade of friendship, a family).
Speeches about groups fail when they try to give equal weight to every member -- the result is a list, not a speech. Instead, use one person or one shared moment as the entry point and let it open outward to represent the whole. "I want to tell you about the night we almost didn't make it to the airport" -- that story, told with specific detail, will land for everyone in the group because each person's particular version of it will surface in their own memory. The individual story becomes the group's mirror.

---

## Example

**Input:** "I need to write a eulogy for my father. He passed away last month from a sudden heart attack -- completely unexpected, he was 68 and still working. He was a high school history teacher for 38 years. He was a quiet man, not very emotional, but he showed up for everything. My family is not particularly religious so I don't want anything that sounds like a sermon. I want it to be honest -- he wasn't perfect, he wasn't warm in the obvious ways -- but he was there. I'd say about 8 minutes. I'm his daughter. There will be about 150 people, including former students."

**Output:**

## Eulogy for Robert Haines

*Occasion: Memorial service | Role: Daughter | Duration: ~8 minutes (~700 words)*
*Tone: Honest and warm | Audience: 150 people, including family, friends, and former students*
*Speaker: Daughter of the deceased*

---

My father was not a man who said "I love you" easily.

[PAUSE]

I want to start there because I think everyone in this room knows it's true, and I think he would want me to be honest. He was not a man who said "I love you" easily. He was a man who showed up.

He showed up to every cross-country meet I ran, including the ones I came in fourteenth. He showed up to my college orientation with a laminated campus map he had printed and highlighted at home, three routes marked in different colors in case the first one was inefficient. He showed up to the hospital at 2 a.m. when my daughter was born and sat in the waiting room for four hours reading a biography of Ulysses S. Grant because that is what he had in his bag, and when I finally came out, he stood up and put the book in his pocket and said, "How are you both?"

[PAUSE]

How are you both.

That was my father. Four words. Everything in them.

[PAUSE]

He taught high school history for thirty-eight years. I know some of his students are here today, and I want to say something to you directly: he talked about you. Not in the way teachers sometimes talk about students -- not as a category, not as "my kids." Individually. He would come home and say "There's a boy in second period who has something going on at home, I can tell because he's stopped turning in work and he used to be first." He never stopped paying attention.

[PAUSE]

I asked him once why he kept teaching. He had chances to move into administration. He was offered the department head position twice and turned it down both times. I said, "Dad, don't you want to have more impact?" And he looked at me in that way he had -- patient, a little puzzled -- and he said, "I have thirty-two students this semester. That's impact."

[PAUSE -- let this land]

He had thirty-two students this semester.

He was teaching in January. He had papers on his desk when he died. I know this because I was the one who went to his classroom to collect his things, and they were sitting there in a stack with a note on top in his handwriting that said "Return by Thursday." He had already planned Thursday.

[PAUSE]

I have been trying for four weeks to figure out what my father's lesson was. Not the lessons he taught -- the one he was.

I think it was this: that showing up is not the small version of love. It is the full version. That the laminated map with three routes highlighted is love. That the biography of Grant in the waiting room is love. That thirty-eight years in the same classroom, returning papers by Thursday, is love. That love does not require announcement. It requires presence.

[PAUSE]

My father was sixty-eight years old. He was healthy and working and had papers to return by Thursday. We did not expect this, and I will not pretend that this grief is anything other than what it is -- abrupt and enormous and not finished.

But I also know this: every single person in this room has a story. A specific story. About a time Robert Haines showed up. In a classroom, in a waiting room, at a cross-country meet, in a hospital, at a kitchen table. Those stories are not small. They are the measure of a life.

[PAUSE]

He showed up for thirty-eight years.

[PAUSE]

He showed up for me.

[PAUSE -- full beat of silence]

If there is a glass raised in this room today, I want to raise it to a man who was not always easy to read, who did not always say the obvious thing, but who was there -- steadily, completely, without keeping score -- for everyone in this room.

To my father, Robert Haines.

[PAUSE -- hold the silence; do not rush]

---

### Structural Map
| Section | Lines | Purpose |
|---------|-------|---------|
| Opening hook | 1–5 | Establishes honest emotional terrain; signals the speech will not be sanitized |
| "He showed up" -- anecdote sequence | 6–18 | Three specific scenes that define his character through action, not statement |
| Bridge to students | 19–22 | Acknowledges the former students in the room; expands the portrait beyond family |
| Direct quote + reversal | 23–30 | His own words define his philosophy; the classroom detail grounds the loss |
| The lesson | 31–38 | Pivot from story to meaning; reframes his emotional style as its own language of love |
| Acknowledgment of grief | 39–42 | Brief, honest, not prolonged; gives mourners permission to feel the weight |
| Close and toast | 43–52 | Callback to the opening; specific, earned, and held in silence |

### Delivery Notes
- **Opening:** Memorize the first line and the pause that follows it. Look up from the page and say it directly to the audience. The pause after "I love you easily" should be long enough to be slightly uncomfortable -- that discomfort is the speech working.
- **The "how are you both" moment:** Say it quietly. Then repeat it. Do not move past it quickly. The repetition is where the audience understands what the speech is about.
- **Student acknowledgment:** Look toward the area of the room where students are seated when delivering that section. This is a deliberate act of inclusion for people who may feel they have less standing to grieve than family.
- **"Thirty-two students this semester":** This is the emotional peak of the reflective section. Say it once, pause, then say the full sentence one more time. The repetition is written in the text -- deliver it exactly as written.
- **The classroom detail (papers on his desk, return by Thursday):** This is the most specific and therefore most powerful moment of the speech. Slow down here. Do not rush this image -- the audience needs to see it.
- **Emotional recovery:** If the speaker gets choked up at "He showed up for me," the planned recovery is to simply pause, take a visible breath, and then say the line again. The second saying will be cleaner. The audience will wait.
- **Toast delivery:** Pour the glass or raise it before beginning the toast section so the physical gesture is ready. Deliver "To my father, Robert Haines" slowly, looking first at a photograph or a personal item if one is present, then at the audience. Hold the silence after the name is spoken -- do not immediately drink. Let the room come to you.

### Word Count and Timing
- Total words: ~690
- Estimated delivery time (with pauses): ~8 minutes and 15 seconds
- Target limit: 8 minutes
- Note: The [PAUSE] markers account for approximately 90 additional seconds of held silence; this speech reads to 5 minutes at natural pace and expands to 8+ with proper delivery. Instruct the speaker not to rush the pauses -- they are structural, not optional.
